Once again, I lie awake|
Unable to do the one thing I want most
To sleep off the madness
My thoughts race and my mood darkens
Everything around me takes on a shadow
Like being surrounded by demons
Only the demons are in my head and I can''t run from them for there is no hope of escape
It feels like I am being attacked from the inside
My own brain has turned on me and I no longer even know myself
I can''t trust my actions because if my thoughts don''t make sense then how are my actions supposed to?
I look in the mirror and I do not see an attractive person
The ugliness is seeping out from the inside and affecting the outside
Everything I thought I was is gone
Leaving me a broken shell
I never knew the depths of this kind of self-loathing were possible
How could anyone love me when I hate myself so much?
I hate feeling so hopeless
What control do you have over anything if not yourself?
And the lack of control makes me loose control even more
Everything is just so overwhelming
Even the little things feel as though they may bury me under their weight
And part of me would welcome that if it would at least put an end to the pain
But it is something I will never escape
It will haunt me for as long as I draw breath
A banshee shrieking a constant reminder that I am simply a ghost of who I should be
Just call me Casper....