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Poem Details
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| Title: | Bipolar or me? |
| Author: | Princess |
| Date Submitted: | 4/29/2009 |
| Poem: |
I used to think that everything happened for a reason, but what on earth could be the reason for me feeling the way I do? Nothing ever fits together right and I always end up crying. I see people with bigger problems than mine who deal with their life and carry on as if nothing is wrong, but when I feel this way, I can’t pretend it''s ok. Everyone is mad at me for being this way. They think I like the attention, why would I like people to look at me like I’m a freak? Why would I want people to judge me? No one wishes more then me that I could control myself, but I just can''t seem to get a grip, and every time it happens I lose a bit more of myself. Every time it hurts me I hate myself more and more and no one in the world will every understand what I’m going through. I get so worked up I that I can''t stop and it''s all for nothing in the end. I can see the way everyone looks at me; they love me less and less. I''ve alienated all the people that have been a part of my life because I can’t be bothered to pretend I care what crap they''re talking about. I''m so self-involved I make myself sick. I believe I have a good heart and people who know me would never suspect what a monster I can become, but when I feel like I can be myself I become the girl that everybody hates. It''s kinda funny in a demented sort of way. People think the real me is happy, funny, bubbly, but that’s the façade. The real me is the angry, crying, ugly girl you all despise so much. I hate myself more then people know. I hate pretending that everything is alright when it''s not. I’m hurting so bad on the inside that I can’t help it if I have an occasional outburst and the pain that I have been trying to suppress seeps into the open for everyone to see and judge. People tell me to get help and to try to fix it, but how can you fix yourself? I just seem to get more damaged. There''s no cure for me. I’m not sick, I’m just me, and I’m sorry if that’s not who you expected me to be but I''ll never change. Maybe on the surface I''ll appear to be a better person, but it''ll only ever be skin deep. I''ll always be someone who nobody likes because I''ve been broken so many times that there''s no way to fix me.... |